Carmilla came to me on a spring evening, even if I didn’t know it was her quite yet. I was watching a Polish Ballet version of Dracula, and it was homoerotic in the best way. When I met co-editor Abbey La Tour, they told me about Carmilla and how it was the femme version of Dracula, and then it became my new special interest. The classic 1777 literary novella - was hard to read - but being able to look at old photos of gothic encyclapedias from [website] helped me tap into victorian era sapphic energy - what would I be doing if I was just starting out the window, waiting for my future love? The truth is, I’d be surrounded by my candelabras, high quality pens and stationary, writing. Because that’s where the passion lies - connecting through words, trying to untangle the endless seas of emotions, remembering and trying to forget, the pain that it is to exist, so we write.

The first chapter of our journey always ends with a goodbye, and I had to walk away from a life I already planned in my mind, but that’s what it was - a day dream, a fable, I had to go deeper. I had to figure out what really wanted to be expressed through me: so I turned to the mirror. We have never been friends, lovers, pals, only enemies, lusting for change but don’t know how to get there. I needed a map, so I began to explore the city. Lake Michigan took me under her waves and welcomed me with a sense of renewal, where I met my other mermaids, and we learned to play. I’ve longed to connect with the woman in the mirror, but really, just needed to listen to her instead. She woke me up at 5 am to drive to the water, watch the sunrise, feel the rays kiss my skin, we longed to be still, write, and dream of what the next chapter really could be. It

It started out slow, and built tension as I relaxed and let the new life I wanted settle in. Then I went and met 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝒲𝒾𝓉𝒸𝒽. Applying my lip gloss in the bathroom at King of Cups, I met Julia Fetty, tarot reader and life coach. She told me how she loved my outfit and I was like omg thank you, I run a erotic art and education magazine. She’s like that’s so cool, I’ve been wanting to write more. So I asked her if she wanted to be apart of the ass-trology part of the magazine, and that’s how it gained momentum.

Every person you meet has an impact on you, and when it came to my sapphic connections in the last year, I’ve learned the complexity of a woman ranges from every species across the universe, but the one thing stays the same - the desire to love and be loved, and push away what scares you - so instead i learned to pray. Not in a church way, but in a way that I knew what I was building was so much more than me. It was something people needed. I knew that I needed to find what it was that brought me joy outside of romantic relationships, people pleasing, social media and trying to escape whatever feeling that arose when I saw in the mirror. So I got to know her instead.